Do you like pina coladas...and getting caught in the rain?

This country attracts a particular type of weirdo. Here's some highlights from the personal columns in the free papers. I'm not making any of these up.

Generous Gift: Professional black African, mid-40's living in central Tokyo, will give a generous gift each time to any lady who will hang out with him. Age 18-30, any nationality, race, marital status or occupation. enjoy-tokyo@*******.com

American male, 25, beer, movies, hiking, sports, beer, karaoke, concerts, beer, shopping, dining out, beer. If this sounds fun and you are a cute Japanese girl, let me know. tokyoandbeer@*****.com

(note: I didnt write this. I would have left out Karaoke)

Affectionate and sincere? No chance. Man, not particularly caring, friendly or affectionate, seeks female or similar for copulation, lots of it and not much else. sxtyphoon@*****.com

Blonde companions wanted. Generous expat from California seeks blonde companions for a small home party. No expenses involved, just come and enjoy. imahima69@*****.com

Kakkoii rock singer, 29, wants to make you sing. Let me show you why I have so many groupies. aijin_yasashii@*******.com

(why is he advertising on here if he gets so many groupies already? you didnt think that one out too well, aijin_yasashii)

Pretty legs and small feet? Fun, wealthy British guy, 35, seeks Japanese ladies who know they have sexy legs. Leg and foot play, just for fun. Meet for coffee first? finefootfun@*******.com

Young, handsome, British. Prove me wrong. I don't think any young ladies exist, who are all three of the following: kind, beautiful, and a good conversationalist. Come on? rfeerdner@*****.com

(tip to rfeerdner...insulting the ladies is unlikely to make them want to meet you)

Come to Thailand. White American male seeks beautiful party girl or girls to come spend time on the beach with me in July and August. Have house. I am handsome, young looking, and fun. Any nationality ok. No jealous types. Email: thailand2005beachgetaway

(another tip: you'll get more responses if you include the full email address. Maybe he should hook up with imahima69)

Are you ill? The love doctor is back! When was the last time you had a check-up? doc5111@******.com

Are you a princess? Can you fit into a 6-inch, clear platform shoe, American shoe size 6 or Japanese sizes 23-24cm? I'm looking for a princess, tell me what you are looking for. andre0@******.com

Hi! I want a lady who is rich. I no good place for outing. So I want a lady 38-45, good looking to be with, later maybe more. kiss_1222@*******.com

hey, im a young, brash, handsome rogue photographer who wants to make some beautiful art with beautiful girls and ladies. I am not a nerdy gaijin, but I do like to drink. In fact, I get drunk almost every night. I am developing a new way to think about the universe through my photography. Are you cute? sexy? send me an email and lets get creative. I love girls of all shapes and colours. I can pay for experienced models, not much...but I'll take you out to Dennys for pancakes and beer. Please, im not a creep, believe me, im just desperate to set off a worldwide cultural revolution. metroattack@*****.ca

And the final two...from the same email address...

iam living in central of kathmandu nepal. mynameis ramesh kc. iwant to marriage fro japanese lady. iam now 35 yeaes old single noonsmookeer noon drinker buthonest hndsome. i write really this massage. if any good gril like me. kindly email me shinnyo_prem@*******.com

myname is prem pd kharel. i live in central city in kathmandu nepal. iam now 38years old but handsom. iam not drinker not smookeer but unest. i want to marriage tell from my hort. only japanise ladies. who want like me please write email me. shinnyo_prem@*******.com

So come on, ladies, get writing! shinnyo_prem's many identities are waiting! And will be for some time, I'd suspect.
We were thinking of putting in a freaky ad ourselves, just to see what sort of response we'd get. But as the quality of creep is so much higher here than back home, maybe its not such a good idea.

PS... Gel wanted me to put this one in as well:
I am looking for a cheap or free Oopa Loopa. It looks like a salamanda and lives in a fish tank. Like a half-frog, half-fish. aussie_cmsw@*****.com.au

Surely if you had an Oopa Loopa, you'd know what it looked like. Just a thought.